Bicycles

Maya and Max rode bicycles for the first time today. I drew chalk circles on the driveway, and a smiling sun. Ten more minutes and I'd have to go to my moms. I was going to enjoy every minute I had. I hugged my siblings so hard that I surely bruised their little rib cages.

Then Jojo, my dad and I had to pile into the Acura. I took my comfortable back seat and looked at everything, memorized it. Maya was wearing my old rainbow balloon helmet, Max was running down the driveway, and Ben was playing hopscotch.

I noticed everything more on the ride home. Every landscaped tree, every decorative gate, every tacky lawn ornament, every million-dollar home.

In the front seat, they talked about money. The divorce settlement. Words like "Five-million" and "half our assets" and "generous" and "child support". I didn't want to listen to any of it. The sun was too bright. The sky was too blue.

"What do you think?"

Oh, he's waiting for me to talk, I thought. "I don't think it will change anything."

There's not enough time left to make a big fuss. If it all happened over again, I would have wanted him to keep the house. This house is my home and my family doesn't live in it. I also wish he didn't have to pay child support, even wish that he had complete custody. Then maybe I wouldn't despise living with my mom.

When we pulled into my mom's steep driveway, I ran my hands over the black leather seat underneath me. I breathed deeply and smelled animal crackers and plastic. Every peripheral detail mattered. Then I gathered my things to leave.

"You okay, Coz? You seem quiet."

Smile, it's not so hard. Come on, smile. "I'm fine."